Over the last while I’ve written a lot about friendships and my views on them. Today I want to share a post about one way friendships, and how to deal with them. First here is the scenario… There is a friend that we have that does not initiate any contact, does not text, call, setup dates, or going out or over o their place. They also choose to ignore texts, Facebook messages, and don’t think that there is a problem with that. They are the type of friend that if you didn’t call or text them, they would never talk to you at all.
One way friendships
So how can we determine that it is a one way friendship? There are many ways to tell if a one way friendship is the type of friendship that you have with your friend. These types of friendships are usually short lived and honestly don’t seem to last. One person is always putting in the effort and does not spend the time or work to help make the friendship work. Is this selfish to want a friendship that is equal on both sides? I don’t think so and many people will agree that a friendship built on respect, honesty and love.
First thing to watch for in a one way friendship
The first sign of a one way friendship is one person doing more than their fair share to maintain the friendship? Are they getting the other person expensive gifts, traveling long distances to see the other friend, but the other person does not seem to return the gifts or traveling. Do they seem to make excuses when you try to setup a time to hang out, or always seem to have something to do, or back out when they plan to meet up with you?
The second thing to watch for in a one way friendship
The second sign that a friendship is one way is how honest they are with you and the people around them. Do they lie to make up excuses so that they don’t have to meet and hang out? Do they lie to the people that the supposedly love? If they have lied to the person they supposedly love the most, how can we respect a liar? Should we even respect them at all? Do they deserve our friendship? Do we respect them enough to tell them the truth when we can’t make it to something that they have actually planned? Are we completely honest with them as we want them to be with us?
Lastly how do these friendships make us feel
One thing that is pretty common with all of these types of friendships is that they are all depressing, we feel used, annoyed, taken advantage of, like we aren’t worth the time and or effort to be worthy of their friendship. Many people are rightly so annoyed or irritated with these types of friends. The question is should we be annoyed by this behavior of our friends? Should we be giving them the space and time to let them prove that they are a true friend? In some cases we may feel angry, or mad that they treated us this way. Some may even feel pity for the other person as well.
So how do we ditch the one way friend?
Well firstly I would determine if the friendship is worth saving? I would certainly suggest speaking to them; let them know how their actions are making you feel. Make sure that they understand your feelings, and how what they are doing is affecting them. I would suggest a public place, not in a crowd, but not in a smaller confined place as well. Coffee shops are always good, or a patio or bench on a busy beach or something similar works. There is no real easy way to start that type or conversation, so I would suggest just going with it and don’t stop till you’re finished. That way you won’t get side tracked or get into an argument. If they accept what you have said and want to continue the friendship great. If they don’t react or want time, give them some time, however don’t pursue the friendship and let them make the contact. If they don’t make any contact after a month, then as hard as it will be you have your answer. This way you can end the friendship by just drifting apart, that way if they decide to try rekindle the friendship at one point, you haven’t burnt down the bridge and could remain a friend if they want to still be friends.